


one in a trillion

by tinystar



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Denial of Feelings, Dorks in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinystar/pseuds/tinystar
Summary: jaemin tries to imagine a world where renjun isn't in his thoughts.in which renmin spend an evening at the museum, and it totally isn't a date... unless.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	one in a trillion

jaemin boards the subway at dusk. he takes his seat just as the carriage begins to move again, watching as the shadows shape-shift slowly beneath his feet. then he lifts his gaze up to the map, squinting at the small letters to find his destination: the museum.

he's on his way to his first visit to the museum downtown. renjun had suggested it—he'd been sticking up pamphlets on the fridge for weeks. at long last, their busy schedules had finally aligned for them to head over together. to be honest, the idea of museums made jaemin a little restless—he was the type to need to be in motion at all times. but renjun's eyes had sparkled every time he mentioned this particular exhibit, so jaemin figured it was worth a try. 

honey-like rays suddenly burst into the carriage as they exit a dark tunnel, and jaemin takes in the sunset and the blurred silhouettes of leaves and cars coming past on the roads below. he pulls out his phone and snaps a picture of the sky, the best he can with the carriage in motion, and sends it to renjun.

"omw," he sends, though jaemin knows the message likely won't reach him until he's reached the next station.

the subway windows turn pitch black once more as they zip down another tunnel. jaemin thinks renjun must be finishing up with his life drawing class now, packing up his supplies before hopping on a bus to the museum.

"you're bringing your sketchbook? do i need to bring one too?" jaemin had asked, back at their dorm.

"that's up to you, jaemin," renjun had replied. a grin sat on his lips that jaemin could sense was only barely containing his excitement. "just your camera would be fine, too."

he smiles to himself alone in the subway cart now, thinking of how easy it is to make renjun happy sometimes. jaemin thinks he's quite good at it. he's learned that while renjun is often lost in thought about the world's wonders and complexities, above all, he adores what's most simple. a slow bike ride through the city. a steaming bowl of hot pot after work. a shared piece of clothing. he finds romance in every mundane thing—jaemin may have found this odd at first, until he noticed renjun's habits were rubbing off on him.

the intercom rings out and jaemin realizes he needs to get off at the next platform. out of habit, he double checks that he has his belongings — phone, wallet, keys, film camera. and then his phone is buzzing. he flashes it on, expecting a notification from renjun, but someone is calling him.

"oh, lee donghyuck," he answers.

"where are you? your voice is cutting off," donghyuck says, his voice equally as smothered in static.

"underground, i'm heading to the museum to meet renjun. you?"

"damn, i thought you were at the dorm. i need your bio notes," he begins, and then he stops. "wait a minute...na jaemin? i never knew you were the museum type."

jaemin scoffs quietly at his friend's teasing tone. "do you know me at all?"

"oh, jaemin. sometime i wish i knew less," donghyuck says, almost forlornly. "that way, i wouldn't have to gag every time you look at him like you're in some after-hours disney channel romance. the exact kind we'd need to shield jisung's eyes from."

jaemin tells his friend not to be jealous, but donghyuck just hums on the other line.

"will a museum date be what finally brings you two together?"

the subway cart screeches along the tracks when they pull into museum station, which is a familiar sight with warm terra cotta tiled walls. jaemin’s always liked this platform and all its details, its columns of intricate totem poles making it stand out immediately. it's one of renjun's favourites, too—he'd captured it beautifully in his sketchbook. renjun, naturally observant and sensitive, had always had a knack for re-creating entire atmospheres with the tip of a paintbrush.

now jaemin stands with his phone at his ear, waiting for the doors to slide open.

“i don’t even like him that way,” he tells donghyuck. he can almost hear donghyuck's eyeroll as he steps out onto the platform.

his friend can only sigh. “the lies write themselves."

jaemin considers this for a moment, but donghyuck's voice is now lost in static, so jaemin decides to take that as his cue. 

“hanging up now—bad signal,” jaemin tells him with a grin. 

he sends donghyuck off with an exaggerated _mmmwah!_ into the receiver, and pockets his phone (after quickly texting donghyuck a link to his bi311 notes). then he fishes into his other pocket for a folded up pamphlet, the one renjun had stuck onto the fridge with a moomin magnet. _oh hyuck,_ he thinks, _only true friends would know that i am, in fact, a sucker for things like—_ he reads the exhibition title that spans across the pamphlet in chunky white letters: 

_EXTRATERRESTRIAL SIGHTINGS THROUGH THE AGES_

—that was all him, of course... not at all the obsession of a certain geek they both knew. 

there's a flight of stairs leading to the main street outside, and jaemin heads up towards the light, fresh autumn air filling his lungs. the streetlights are just beginning to glow as the hours seep into the evening. he spots the museum just across the road, grand-as-ever as it spans around the corner, smooth concrete exterior suddenly interrupted by glass windows that spike outwards at unnatural angles. renjun has told him the design is a brutalist thing; jaemin thinks it's quite interesting to look at.

he has his film camera out to capture the museum's architecture when he hears a familiar voice from behind him.

"you seem impressed. we haven't even gone inside yet." renjun appears from behind jaemin with a light touch of his fingers to his back. he sounds satisfied, _looks_ satisfied, when his face comes into view, glowing like the moon.

jaemin smiles at him. "it's my first time visiting since coming here for university," he says, turning the lens in renjun's direction. "of course i'm excited."

the sun is dipping below the horizon and only streetlights illuminate the familiar angles of his face. renjun looks soft; he has something like a permanent grace to his features. long cotton sleeves flow past his wrists to the edges of his fingertips, and his dark hair is slightly disheveled after a full day of class. jaemin almost wants to reach out and run his fingers through it, but he has to get this shot.

"ugh," renjun says, squinting at the camera. "can you save your film for the art?"

jaemin lets the flash go off in his face. "who said i wasn't?"

"touché," renjun says, striking a proper pose this time, and jaemin can't help but giggle. renjun is a natural; jaemin doubts there will ever be enough pictures of him in his collection.

he takes a couple more shots before renjun has his arm around jaemin's middle, pushing him towards the museum in exasperation. _right,_ jaemin remembers. _this is what we were here for._

✵✵✵

inside the exhibit feels a lot like floating in space, jaemin thinks, as him and renjun drift through the sections in comfortable silence. most of them are cloaked in the darkness of a midnight sky, wide enough for their movements to echo, and the walls surrounding them seem to span out into nothingness. jaemin would hardly see his own footsteps if not for the twinkling collection of lights guiding their path like little constellations.

he peers behind renjun as he observes an installation of a retro television playing an old news report of a ufo sighting. they've made it outside the space void into a neat little room designed to look like a tiny kitchen from the 90s. jaemin takes a seat at the counter, surprised that they even got the details down to a bowl of UF-O's sitting across from the tv.

"i bet in a past life you were exactly like this," jaemin muses, as renjun keeps his eyes peeled on the tv. "sitting in your kitchen, neck-deep in alien-sighting reports while your cereal gets soggy."

renjun tilts his head in thought. "i'd be happy for 90s renjun," he decides, leaning on the counter to take in the kitchen's interior. the news anchor's voice continues to chatter away in the background. "it's amazing, isn't it, how we've been searching for life beyond earth since the moment we knew we were alive."

"we earthlings are a bit lonely, i guess." jaemin pushes around at the tiny ufo-shaped cereal in the bowl, scattered with little multi-coloured stars.

"yes. but i think there's beauty to be found in it," renjun says. "we yearn to connect, to learn from those who are different from us. and we don't think earth should be the end of this story, of life."

jaemin nods, taking in his words. for some reason, the conversation takes him back to the one time he had to learn about evolutionary theory in one of his classes. _what a miracle we are,_ he thinks, _that we have evolved from mere molecules to be able to love one another like this._

"we're one in a trillion," jaemin says, thinking aloud now. "humans only have loneliness because we're built to care for one another."

it could be renjun's romanticism getting to him, but jaemin doesn't really mind. he can't resist the way renjun views the world, whimsical yet full of hope and tenderness. this is the world he has come to know, and to believe in, simply through knowing the boy across from him. 

"that's right. but we're one amongst others, most likely," renjun adds, with a smile. of course, the alien conspiracist would say this. renjun spins around in his seat, eyes twinkling as he admires the décor. it's almost like a retro ikea showroom, with pops of colour and geometric shapes seen all throughout the dinnerware, potted plants, even the magnets on the fridge door. "why don't we decorate our place like this? i don't think the others would mind. we need more vintage mugs."

he's admiring a cartoon-alien adorned mug when jaemin reaches over to gently pull it from his grasp. "as if jisung isn't already at risk for getting a moomin mug to the head every time he dares to open our cupboard."

"it's not my fault you bought me so many of them, jaemin."

"not all of those were me," he laughs, incredulous. "it's not my fault they make me think of you."

renjun smiles, then unexpectedly, the room falls into silence. suddenly jaemin feels a flicker of worry within himself at the possibility that he'd been wrong about renjun's obsession with moomin all this time.

but renjun only says: "don't," and shifts his gaze back to the tv. the blue light washes over his face while flying saucers reflect into the orbs of his eyes.

"don't what?"

"think... of me," he continues, somewhat hesitant.

"don't... think... of you?" _what is he saying?_

jaemin tries to imagine a world where renjun isn't in his thoughts. no, renjun is the kind of person you meet and stays with you even if he isn't there. kind of omnipresent, when jaemin looks up at the stars, when jaemin walks through the tea aisle at the grocery. 

there was always something about being with him that felt like living inside a dream. jaemin realizes he's not quite ready to wake up. 

heart buzzing, jaemin says, "i'm not sure i understand."

then renjun stands from his seat, coming over to tug jaemin by his sleeve. "i'll tell you later then," he says softly. "i think they close in half an hour. let's go see the rest, yeah?"

as if on cue, the intercom rings out with an automated message telling visitors to hurry up. jaemin lets renjun pull him from his seat and into the endless darkness of space, once again.

✵✵✵

their visit ends with a handful of used-up sketchbook pages and one used-up film roll. jaemin is thrilled about this, finally being able to develop the pictures he'd taken since finding his camera at a savers earlier in the year. he's tempted to run over to a photography shop to get them developed and share them with renjun and jisung over a late midnight snack, but when they step outside the museum into the night air, he realizes they all must have closed a while ago.

it's shocking, how time disappears as soon as you set foot in a museum. this is something jaemin experienced for the first time today. they'd been inside for a mere 2 hours, but traveling through the exhibits made it feel like he and renjun were trapped in their own pocket of eternity.

"what did you think?" renjun asks, turning to him as they walk down the giant stone staircase descending from its doors.

"charming," jaemin says, because it's the first word that comes to mind. "museums have a magic of their own. and who knows, maybe you've managed to convince me that there's more to the universe than just us."

renjun grins. "thank god," he says, relieved. "you've finally seen the light. although, na jaemin, i don't think 'just us' sounds all that bad sometimes."

he sees the sincerity in renjun's eyes, and at once, jaemin understands this as renjun's way of saying thank you for coming along. he doesn't say it directly, but it makes his heart twist, somehow. he turns to renjun once they reach the bottom of the steps.

"let's take the long way home?"

having read his mind, renjun is already a few steps ahead of him. the evening autumn winds rush through his small silhouette and his hair turns gold when they walk underneath the streetlights. jaemin silently wishes he'd saved room for just one more picture.

✵✵✵

it's cold. the weather tends to be unpredictable in this city, but when the seasons decide to change, boy do they change. they'd gotten too used to balmy summer nights that they hadn't considered that a walk home on an evening in october might not be the best idea without a coat. so renjun is running now, jaemin alongside him, teeth clattering as they speed to the nearest subway station.

they're panting when they slump onto a pair of seats inside a subway car, just arriving at the terminal as their ride home was about to leave. jaemin looks over at renjun, who looks something like a kitten who'd been tossed around by a washing machine.

"give me a minute," renjun says, leaning his head back on the wall in exhaustion.

so they catch their breath as the subway zips along its path, other late-night riders stepping off when they've finally reached home. they're a few stops away from their own when their car is nearly empty, and jaemin can make out the familiar muted creaks and screeches as they travel through the tunnels.

meanwhile, renjun is still rubbing at his hands, pale and blood-drained. 

"are you cold?" jaemin asks. "here," he says, reaching out. renjun brings his hands over to him, and jaemin places one of them between his. after a while, he does the same for the other. jaemin thinks renjun must be really tired as they continue like this in silence, weaving in and out of each station.

"how are your hands so warm?" renjun asks suddenly. "it was freezing out. are you even human?"

"who knows? i could very well be one of the aliens you've spotted in the sky."

renjun scoffs. "i've thought about that, you know. i'm sure it isn't surprising."

"i wouldn't be surprised if you had watched over me in my sleep, just to check." jaemin is massaging renjun's hand lightly now, the pad of his thumb pressing into the center of renjun's palm.

"i watch you, in general," he says, and jaemin can see renjun gazing at him intently out of the corner of his eye.

so he turns and meets his gaze. renjun's eyes are marked with a focused curiosity. "yeah? am i on your suspected alien list?" jaemin asks.

"no, i don't think you're an alien," he answers without hesitation. "i don't think you're human, either."

jaemin raises his eyebrows. renjun seems to have really thought this one out. "tell me your theory, huang renjun."

renjun sits back in his seat, staring out the window as they pass through another station, this one characterized by its muted-green tiles, their hue almost lost in the pure white brightness of newly installed lights. he seems to be searching in his thoughts for something. jaemin sees that his brown eyes are no longer focused on the present.

"when i moved out for the first time, it was scary, you know," renjun begins. "i didn't know what to expect from living with a new group of people. and it wasn't like i had a choice—i was a complete stranger to the city. things like this might be exciting to some people. but anxiety was getting the best of me. i didn't even want to leave my room. then i heard it, one day," renjun recalls, amusement lighting up his words. he imitates the sound: _crash! ploop, ploop, ploop._ jaemin laughs with him, knowing exactly what he'd been describing. "jisung had opened the fridge door. and suddenly all of the watermelon you'd cut were strewn on the ground in a pile of red juice."

"i didn't know you very well then, and i thought you might've lost it, like any normal person would," renjun continues. "but you didn't. not a bone in your body reacted in anger. you reached over and pat him on the head, nagging at him lightheartedly, and that was it."

"so this was the start of your suspicion," jaemin says. inside, he marvels at renjun's ability to hold memories like this so vibrantly in his brain.

"it made me curious. i thought, _he must be an angel._ "

jaemin laughs, because suddenly there's a shiver going down his spine he needs to get rid of. "an angel? for not losing my temper? isn't that something they teach kindergarteners to do?"

renjun waves his hands around in denial. "no, that's just the beginning. you—" he says, then stops, trying to find the right words. "you're just so loving. you're so good to the people around you. to _me_ ," renjun lets out, before he can stop himself.

so he keeps going: "and i think about it, a lot. i can't help it. thinking about you."

and jaemin understands now, why renjun had reacted that way in the museum. _don't. _jaemin thinks the blood in his own veins is rushing in a million directions at once.__

__"renjun," he lets out, hoping the thunder in his chest isn't audible. "i'm not—"_ _

__"so i need you to prove it to me, once and for all," renjun cuts in, before he can finish. renjun looks around the subway cart, which has now emptied out to just the two of them. outside the windows there's nothing but darkness rushing past. they're in their own shuttle, speeding through the void of space. when renjun is finished, he turns in his seat to face jaemin directly._ _

__"na jaemin. would you kiss me?"_ _

__it's like an asteroid has crashed through the window, oxygen sucked from the room, disappearing instantly from his lungs. "have you gone mad?"_ _

__"maybe," renjun answers, unsure but unwavering. "just tell me if you would."_ _

__jaemin crosses his arms, just to feel control over his limbs. he's not sure he has full control over his brain at the moment, to be honest. it feels like every cell within him is flickering like a control board in the middle of an emergency. this is waking up, he realizes. this is the end of his dream. grasp or let go._ _

__"renjun, i think my brain is shutting down," he tells him. "but yes. i would kiss you."_ _

__renjun tilts his head, as if challenging him. "then what are you waiting for, my angel?"_ _

__"i'm no angel," jaemin says, hooking a finger under renjun's chin. he's leaning in further, grinning at the pet name, despite himself. "i'm pretty sure i'm just a fool in love."_ _

__they're so close, and jaemin is sure neither of them can handle it anymore, so he closes the gap. sometimes jaemin takes close-up shots at renjun's face, and he's never understood how someone could have a mouth so perfect. and this is how he feels now, except everything is real, renjun pulling him closer by his collar is real, and every star in the galaxy is aligning as they kiss alone in the subway cart._ _

__"is that," jaemin gasps, when they pull away for a moment, "enough proof for you?"_ _

__renjun hums, eyes flickering to his lips once more. "no," he decides._ _

__jaemin thinks it's a bit selfish, but they've already missed their stop anyhow. for the second time today, he realizes, time has ceased to exist. there had been magic in that museum, for sure. but it was renjun's spell he'd been under. it always had been, in one way or another._ _

__"i love you, did you know that?" renjun says suddenly, blush plastered all over his face, voice sounding like he's on a sugar high. he's so, so cute._ _

__"no. not the way i know it now," jaemin says. "you're all i ever needed, i think."_ _

__"don't think," renjun advises, and the grin pulling at his lips says that it's already a corny inside joke in the making. "just stay by my side, as a guardian angel should."_ _

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is the first fic i've actually finished writing in like 3 years... it's a bit self-indulgent as i initially started writing this just bc there are places i miss visiting (this story is based on sights & sounds in toronto). if you got to the end, thank you!
> 
> let me know your thoughts 😊


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